This is Why I am Angry

So… if you know me, or spend any amount of time around me on a regular basis, then you probably know that I love to talk… I love to laugh. I love to have a good time.

If you’ve spent any time around me lately… you know that I am an angry grump… I am moody and emotional and mopey. Trust me. It’s not fun for me either. Here’s why:

Mile Thirteen (point one): I wanted to walk, but knew that I couldn’t. I wanted to throw up. We were so close and I still wanted to quit. And I thought about Anji- Tom’s friend and running partner. And I thought about how she had run a 100 miler only two weeks before. And I thought about Tom and all his encouragement and how he was running right now too, not with me, but with me all the same. And I thought about Nicole and all her coaching and how much I look up to her. And I thought about how my boss and my parents were waiting at the finish line to cheer for me, and honestly, how lame would it look if I walked over the finish line… Annabet gave me 10 seconds of walking and said then we were gonna run it in. And we did. As we came up the hill to the to the finish line, I could hear my coach, my boss, my parents, my teammates yelling my name, cheering me on. And then I crossed the line. And then it was done.

And then I felt fine. I hugged my parents, my coach, my boss, my teammates. I ate an orange. I drank some Gatorade. I took pictures with everyone. I stretched. I walked to my car. I got in. I turned it on. And I cried, all the way home.

That is from my first blog.

I teared up reading it. Not because it’s so eloquently written or because I am a phenomenal linguist.

I teared up because I realize why I am so angry and grumpy and moody and mopey and difficult to be around. Because I can’t remember the last time that I felt ^that great^ from a run. Because I haven’t gotten a good run in in a while. And the runs that I have made have been painful and disheartening.

I know that I need to let my foot heal. I know that I need to fully recover before I go back out there or I’m going to make things worse. Logically I get it. I went to college. I’m not stupid (most of the time… ok… I’m stupid when it comes to certain things… lay off.)

But my heart wants to run and my head wants to run and my feet (well, foot…) wants to run. I want to be able. I want to do it. I’m impatient and stubborn and frustrated. Because I know how happy running CAN and DOES make me. I know how much joy I get from even long, slow bad runs.

So patience… not my strong suit… is what will get me through this to be a better stronger runner… and I can’t wait! (that’s not patience… is it?)